The Gospel in Real Life

Bitterness is a terrible thing. It can arise when we think we’ve been wronged by someone or when someone has spoken negatively to others about us. It’s easy to harbor bitterness or resentment toward someone, but even if we’re right in thinking that we’ve been wronged by others, harboring bitterness is never a Biblical option or solution. If bitterness isn’t dealt with Biblically when it raises its ugly head, it can quickly fester and eventually kill our joy and bring us to ruin. One of the unfortunate things about bitterness is that like misery, bitterness loves company. If I’m harboring bitterness, it’s easy to look for opportunities to let others know about it and to even somehow justify what I’m doing. It’s unfortunate, but harbored bitterness doesn’t like to be alone. It wants to share what it’s thinking and it will look for opportunities to do so. Bitterness is much more gratifying when it’s shared. It’s one of those sins that if we get stuck in, is hard to keep to ourselves. Look at what the writer of Hebrews had to say about bitterness.

See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. Hebrews 12:15

That small verse is loaded with truths that we need to unpack. First, it is possible for bitterness to take deep root in our hearts. Bitterness can get a powerful grip on us if we don’t deal with it Biblically and quickly. It’s one of the moral traits that Paul uses to describe what we were like before coming to Christ. As such, it is something that we need to constantly be sensitized to because it is easy to become embittered against someone if I feel I’ve been wronged or sinned against. Concerning our life before coming to Christ, Paul said,

Their throats are open graves; their tongues practice deceit. The poison of vipers is on their lips. Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness. Romans 3:13-14

Second, harbored bitterness spreads and causes trouble. This is the normal and usual course of unconfessed bitterness. This is why I said earlier that bitterness loves company. If I am harboring bitterness against someone, I may eventually start to confide in others whom I think will support me in justifying how I feel. Harbored bitterness can become proactive and go on the offensive in looking for opportunities to cause trouble for those against whom I have become embittered. Bitterness works this way because at its core, it is inseparable from the sin of pride. Bitterness is pride boiling over. We could say that one way in which sinful pride makes itself known, is through bitterness. I can become embittered toward someone if I think they’ve wronged me and in being wronged, they’ve hurt my pride, so I begin to justify bitterness in my own mind because after all, I shouldn’t have been wronged to begin with. That is my pride speaking. Pride says, “I was wronged and I have the right to respond this way!” I may be correct in my assessment – I may have been wronged unjustly, but I am never justified in responding unbiblically or unlovingly when wronged. And I am never Biblically justified in succumbing to bitterness when wronged.

Third, the writer of the book of Hebrews says that the sin of bitterness will defile many. If I’m caught in the sin of bitterness, my bitterness can easily begin to spread to others. Once again, this is intentional because bitterness loves company and always feels better in a group. As I covertly state my case to others, instead of going directly to the person who’s hurt or offended me, I start gathering allies and as a group, we begin to harbor bitterness and criticism against the person I feel has wronged me in some way. This is a terrible reality of bitterness because it spreads like a cancer in the form of gossip, slander, and evil criticism. Any time we veer away from handling conflict in ways other than how Scripture tells us to handle it, we will get into trouble. Let’s look at the Lord’s words on how to deal with conflict:

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. Matthew 5:23-24

Do you see the urgency in bringing resolution to conflict or disagreement? There is an urgency in the restoration of relationships that takes precedence over everything else. If I am aware of a broken relationship in my life that has caused a rift between me and someone else, I have a Biblical obligation as a Christian to make reconciliation or restoration my number one priority. I must fight to not allow bitterness to take hold me, and I must be careful not to go to anyone but the other person. I am also obligated as a Christian to exhaust every opportunity at my disposal for full reconciliation. As far as it depends on me, I am to actively seek reconciliation.

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:18

If I don’t handle bitterness the way Scripture says to, I can easily fall into the trap of harboring bitterness instead of seeking reconciliation. I can take my bitter thoughts about someone to others and begin guerrilla warfare in the Church by covertly planting seeds of discord, while justifying my sinful actions. As I gain a following, I can begin to feel justified in my bitterness because of the other people that have rallied to my side. In fact, I can become so embittered that I can begin to rewrite history in my own mind in order to justify my actions and thoughts about someone. Bitterness can defile many and its scars and damage can last a lifetime.

For the sake of conversation, let’s say that someone has wronged me. Let’s say that I am right and that someone really has sinned against me. Let’s go a step further and say that they know they’ve sinned against me and it was intentional. How should I respond? Is bitterness ever justified, even if I’m right and I’ve been intentionally wronged by someone? You know the answer already. No, of course not. Not only are we obligated to respond according to the Lord’s words in Matthew 5 above, but look at what Peter says about the Lord’s example of suffering unjustly:

To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. “He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.” When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered , he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. 1 Peter 2:21-23

In context, Peter is writing to believers who were suffering for their faith as a way of life. If you’re like me, when you feel like you’re suffering unjustly (and you may be at times!), you have to do battle with the desire to retaliate. We do this by remembering the gospel, which points us to the cross and Jesus, as our motivation.  The Lord is our supreme example of suffering and being accused unjustly and He did not retaliate. Dare we, when we are wronged? I am never justified in harboring bitterness against someone, even if they truly have wronged me. It’s simply not an option and it is never justified.

Putting Off and Putting On
Let’s wrap a ribbon around this discussion and bring it to a close. Paul tells us that as believers, we are obligated to get rid of all bitterness. We are to mortify the sin of bitterness. Let’s look at what he told the Ephesian churches:

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32

This passage sits in the larger context of how to put off the old self and to put on the new self. The old self is corrupt and is the remaining sinful influence from our former way of life before conversion (Ephesians 4:22). The new self is the changed life that every believer receives at conversion. Scripture calls it a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). Believers have been re-created in righteousness and holiness (Ephesians 4:24), making them unconditionally accepted by the Father. While we continue to struggle with sin, we are no longer enslaved to sin (Romans 6:14) but have been made pleasing to God by grace alone and have become slaves of righteousness (Romans 6:18, Titus 2:11-12).

In this amazing context of efficacious grace, Paul tells us to put off, or get rid of, all bitterness. Not most bitterness, or some bitterness, but ALL bitterness. Fortunately, Paul doesn’t leave us hanging there with a seemingly impossible task to perform. He points us back to the gospel and the cross.  If all we did as believers was get rid of the remaining evil things in our lives, we could quickly become legalistic. Fortunately, there is a Biblical balance and when Paul tells us in this chapter to put something off, there is an equally important “putting on” that must happen in its place. When I put off bitterness, it is equally important that I put on kindness, compassion, and forgiveness. These are things I receive at the cross because of grace.  Even if I am wronged by someone, I must get rid of all bitterness and be kind, compassionate, and forgiving. But I don’t just resolve to do it as a goal in and of itself, but I do it looking at Jesus. I forgive, just as God in Christ forgave me.

Harboring or entertaining bitterness is never justified and it will only give an opportunity for the enemy to get a foothold in our midst. This is why Paul includes forgiveness in the list of things that I am to replace bitterness with. I must forgive others if I truly love the Lord, and I can forgive because I am a new creation in Christ and it is ultimately him working in me to do his will. If you are struggling with bitterness or find yourself unable to forgive, bring that to the Lord and ask him for the grace and faith to confess your bitterness and to forgive or seek forgiveness. He is able. That is the only true way to guard against the powerful grip of bitterness. Remember the cross.